I know I’m late. This commercial has been out for over a year and I’m the last to know. I get it. I’m still going to write this post.
So I’m binge watching some show on demand as per usual and this was the commercial they chose to run over and over ad nausea (don’t you just love how they do that?). I’m like what the… what just happened? I swear, they ran this commercial about fifty million times, I still didn’t get it.
It all starts with the releasing of a dove in the middle of a forest because hey, that’s what we go to the forest to do… right? But you immediately forget the dove and the music and the bizarre narrative because you are too busy checking out the bad 80’s prom dress complete with crinoline. Or maybe it’s a very elaborate Halloween costume. I dunno, you tell me.
And she’s running. I mean she is hauling tail through the forest which is why she has on sneakers with her prom dress because she can’t very well run in heels, can she? Certainly not through a forest. Those Louboutin’s would just sink in the dirt. It’s kind of like how businesswomen in NYC will wear sneakers with a power suit until they get to the office where they will change into proper footwear.
But wait, this is the prom. Why are you walking to the prom? No, you’re running. You’re squeezing in a workout… in your prom dress??? But no, this is not a jog. Some creepy stalker is after your behind and you are booking it through the forest. You somehow had the foresight to know that creepy stalker dude would show up and you were ready for him. But wait… you have a horse! A pretty white horse! Why don’t you just ride the horse?! I’m so confused.
And this whole thing is not working out because oh, snap! You lost your necklace! And your dress is ripping on the branches!
But finally, there’s an end to the madness. You arrive at your castle cool, calm and collected and thankfully in a much better outfit, and your castle is guarded by two buff dudes decked out in armor. Where the hell were they when creepy stalker dude was chasing you through the forest? And one of them has a hard on for you. Look how he steps out of line when you spritz your perfume! Fire them immediately and get yourself a cell phone, some pepper spray and ADT Security. You can keep security guy around as your personal boy toy. You’re a successful woman with a castle now and this is how modern women do it.